I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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