Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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