the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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