My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
