i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
