Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
