He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
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I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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