just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
