Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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