Umm I'm too high to move.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
