my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
