i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
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