the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
