yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
