I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
handjob tips. give me some.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
