Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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