she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
