Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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