i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
