And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
