I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
