I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
