All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
