i already hear my dad disowning me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
