they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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