I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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