My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
