If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
