Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
