Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
