This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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