Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize