How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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