Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
