Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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