Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
