I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
