drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
