How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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