got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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