Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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