I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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