i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
