Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?