he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated