If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".