I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
