I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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