This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize