Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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