If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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