Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
