Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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