susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
