if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling