Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
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I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO