the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.