I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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