A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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