I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
