And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
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