well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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