If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A bitchslap is in order.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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