My room smells like vodka and shame
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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