Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
