I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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