I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
