What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
